


Wondering

by DoomedKelpie



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedKelpie/pseuds/DoomedKelpie
Summary: Steven wonders about his mother sometimes.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Wondering

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first SU fic, though I was actually a lot more into it, like, last year. I just got an idea and decided to write it. I’ve only watched the first 2 episodes of SU Future, so this fic just takes place after the movie and before Future. :3

Sometimes Steven wondered just how much his mother knew what she was doing. 

Had she known what would happen when he was born? And not just known what would happen, but really  _ known _ and  _ understood _ that she wouldn’t exist anymore- That she would be  _ gone _ and that Steven would replace her. 

Rose Quartz-  _ Pink Diamond _ \- told him that every time he loved himself, it was  _ her _ loving him. Had those just been comforting words for a child who would grow up without a mother? Or had she really thought she would be there to love him somehow? Had she expected a part of her to exist within him, a small piece of consciousness stored within his gem? Gems didn’t have children- didn’t reproduce that way- and she very well might have misunderstood what it meant to pass down genes to your children. 

And what if she thought that becoming him wouldn’t be permanent- that she would come back eventually, like when Spinel erased everyone’s memories? Had she thought of him as being a little vacation from being Rose Quartz?

Or even worse- Had it all just been a game?

Steven wasn’t sure how to feel about his mother anymore.

Once, she had been this mysterious figure that everyone always alluded to, but  _ he _ had never really met. She was this beloved woman, and it was his fault she was gone.

But then he’d found out the truth- Rose Quartz wasn’t Rose Quartz at all. She was Pink Diamond, and she’d been pretending otherwise for thousands of years.

Steven knew that she had done it to save the Earth. She realized that life on Earth had worth, had  _ meaning _ , and she fell in love with the world. But he was starting to wonder how much of it was just a big  _ game _ for her. He could understand deceiving the other diamonds- they were the ones who wanted to continue destroying the Earth, after all, and they wouldn’t have listened to her if she asked them to stop. And even if they had, they would have just destroyed another planet instead.

But she had also deceived those who fought by her side. 

Which, that made  _ sense _ \- it would be harder to lead a rebellion against yourself and convince others to join you.

But so many gems had  _ died _ . They died without ever knowing the truth- they died fighting a war that might have just been one big  _ game _ . 

He hadn’t thought it might have been a game until recently, even after he found out the truth himself. But the more he learned about her, the more he questioned her decisions and the more conflicted he became. 

_ Why _ had she left Spinel all alone like that? Yes, she could be a bit annoying sometimes, but what Pink Diamond did was just plain cruel. Spinel had been so utterly  _ loyal _ that she had waited for Pink Diamond to return for thousands of years. She’d been lied to and abandoned, but she still stayed. She had stayed until she found out that Pink Diamond had died- but only recently. She had stayed until she found out that Pink Diamond was, in a way, still alive- except she  _ wasn’t _ .

And no matter how much he thought about it, Steven just couldn’t come up with a justification for what his mother did with Spinel. Sure, she might have assumed that Spinel would give up and move on eventually, but even if that had happened, she had still abandoned her. It wasn’t right to leave without explanation and then just  _ never return. _ Even if Pink Diamond didn’t like Spinel and couldn’t humor her any longer, she should have been upfront about it. It was far crueler to abandon than to leave someone gently. And that abandonment had almost led to the destruction of the planet Rose Quartz had done everything to save. 

He just- didn’t know how to feel about her. She’d done many things right, but she’d done so  _ many _ things wrong. And as he gained more pieces of the puzzle, he had come to realize that, more than a mysterious warrior, his mother had been an overly-powerful  _ child _ . 

He didn’t  _ want _ to believe that she had just been playing, but Steven saw the tantrum she had thrown about wanting to be in control of a planet. And even though he felt it couldn’t  _ possibly _ be true, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if the entire rebellion had just been Pink Diamond getting mad about her toys being broken. 

And- whether she understood what creating him meant or not- he couldn’t help but wonder whether he was just a toy as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk, Pink Diamond. 


End file.
